Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
