I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
