i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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