he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
