I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
