Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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