I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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