At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
my liver is dry heaving
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
