Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
