So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
