i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
