yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
