If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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