your parents love me but you hate me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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