Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i will never coherently bang her
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
