so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Four minutes until I can fart!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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