Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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