alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So squirting runs in the family.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
