u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
