are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
