DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
