idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
