My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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