Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
