u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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