Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
