True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
