my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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