Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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