we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
