The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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