You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
