Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
