If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
