did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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