I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He has the fingertips of a God
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