do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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