there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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