Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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