3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
