If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
