Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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