Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
