I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
