Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
