i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
