Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
