she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
