Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
