I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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