He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
