I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
